Reflection on Boston - one month later

It has been a month since the tragedy in Boston.  As a runner, April 15, 2013 will always be a day close to my heart.  I didn't express my feelings much at the time because I needed time to process what this terrible event meant to me.  We all took to twitter and FB to comfort each other. 

Runners are a family.  We make up one of the largest communities in the world.  One that doesn't judge your color, race, religion, weight, height or ability.  We lend a hand to each other and offer words of encouragement.  Our community includes not only the runners, but our spectators (most of which are family and friends), race volunteers and above all the police officers who provide safety along the race.  None of use would succeed without the support of this community.   One month ago, two cowards went after my community. 

Nashville was my first race after the attack; just two short weeks.  It just happened to be pouring rain.  Neither of these factors stopped any of us from making this race a success! The volunteers were out in force.  The spectators came out to support friends, family and all the random strangers.  The police officers were at every intersections protecting all of us.  Every runner was ready to support our brothers and sisters and run our hearts out!

However, this attack reminds me when I run that I am vulnerable.  Not to injury or pain (which is true) but to the outside world.  I have never run a race and ever been concerned about my safety.  Who would attack a bunch of runners?  Why would someone attack a bunch of runners?  It never crossed my mind that the racing community was anything but safe.  After all, we are supposedly the crazy ones for running 13.1 or 26.2 miles for FUN! 

Reality of the racing future hit me upon arriving at the start line in Nashville.  The SWAT team was assembled in full gear, ready and waiting should a threat arise.  The mounted police were patrolling the park.  I can only imagine that the same increased security measures were occurring at the finish line.  This was the first time at a RNR event that security was standing guard at my corral.  While all the extra protection did increase my anxiety (full disclosure I worry about everything), it did not diminish my desire to run.  I'm glad that someone was watching out for me so that I could continue my beloved sport! 

This weekend I head to the busiest city in America to run.  The Brooklyn Half is my way of saying you can attack the running community but you will never stop us!  If those cowards did anything, they encouraged more people to run and fulfill their dreams!   

       

Reflection

Reflection is not something I usually do or at least not while running!  I usually try to blank out and think only about breathing and pacing.  However, it hit me how much I have accomplished this past year.  

One year ago, I was gearing up to run my very first half-marathon.  Yay, Rock-n-roll St. Louis!!  I was scared out of my mind but eagerly awaiting the big day.  I trained my ass off for it.  I have never been prouder of myself or my abilities.  I was also hooked.  The adrenaline rush was out of this world.  Fast forward to Oct 2012....

I just ran my fourth half-marathon in the past year.  Once again, yea, RNR STL!  I've had my fair share of injuries.  My body was like what the heck!!  But I did them with smile! This was my worst race but I had a blast. I was incredibly disappointed in myself.  My hip was killing me.  Then I realized I still did it and who cares how long it took me to finish.  There are plenty of people sitting on their couches saying "I wish I could do that or that girl is crazy why do it at all".  But I do them for me and to prove that despite everything I am capable of doing something huge!  Running is in my blood and I can't get enough of it!

I signed up for half #5 a few days after!  It's next weekend and I am so excited!  That race and finish will allow me to become a member of Half Fanatics.  It's nothing big or even all that exciting but it is a chance to say I did something that only so many others have accomplished.  This race will be my third in 90 days and also my second in 16 days.  Either way I qualify!  I am officially a running nerd! 

I spent a few minutes last weekend dreaming about races that I would love to do in the next couple of years.  I am plan to use running as a way to travel because I love both activities so much! 

2013
RNR Nashville in April   (signed up)
RNR Chicago in July (just a maybe bc I really want to go to LA and see the Cards vs Angels)
RNR Pittsburgh in August  (just a maybe)
RNR STL in October
RNR Vegas in Dec 

2014
Disney Princess in Feb 
Who knows but I am up for anything?  RNR Ireland/Scotland :) 

Outside The Fox Theater

Outside Union Station

MIA from Blogland

Wow, so I have been missing in action for a couple of weeks.  Although I don't always leave a comment, please know that I am keeping up with your lives!  I try to read updates every few days.  I just haven't felt like posting.  Nothing truly exceptional has been going on and it is really hard to blog about trivial everyday matters.  Life has been going along status quo and really busy! 

I did indeed make it to Florida for the work meeting.  It was a short trip but really helped to rejuvenate the soul.  My coworker and I managed to run outside both nights.  It was wonderful to be outside running again.  The treadmill just doesn't cut it.  But when you can't run in the cold, nasty weather you learn to live with it.  However, it made the first gym run really difficult!  I wish I could say that I watched what I ate and was sensible at the meeting.  I was to an extent but the desserts and wine did me in.  Ugh, but I rationalize by knowing that I never eat like this at home and sometimes a little splurge is a good thing.  Maybe that is more denial than rational....

So besides the not blogging, I have been doing really well on my new year's resolutions.  I am going to bed earlier and getting to work at a more reasonable time.  I am trying to track my food and most days are a success.  I find when I have to figure out a recipes nutritional information that I get really lazy.  That is always when I drop the ball.  I can't let that deter me and need to just do it.  I try to find recipes that already calculate the NI but sometimes a girl just wants to make something from all these wonderful blogs or a site that doesn't figure out the NI ahead of time.  I need to stop being lazy about it.  

I have hit a plateau again on the weight loss but I am still losing inches.  I guess my body is redistributing the weight.  I am hoping into muscle!  I did buy size 12 capris for my vacation in a couple weeks.  They are a little snug but I am not worried because they feel so much better than the looser 14s.  I don't think I have ever worn a size 12.  Maybe in like the 4th grade....maybe.  I guess this is one of those time that the NSV is supposed to keep my spirits up but I am discouraged by the plateau.  I need to really watch what I'm eating because truthfully that is where the problem lies.  I can't give anymore physically and I am pretty sure that the gym peeps think I live there.  But knowing what I need to do and doing it are two completely different things.  It is always easier to watch the food going into my mouth than to take stock of what makes up that food.  Obviously, I still have food issues and no matter what I've managed to overcome they are still deeply rooted.  One day at a time and I will win the battle with my body!        
   

I'm Overweight!!

I am overweight!  I have been waiting to say those words for years!  I am thrilled with this new revelation.  Why am I so excited about being overweight?  Because I am no longer OBESE!  For the record, I am not a big fan of the BMI Scale.   It is a mathematical calculation that doesn't take in to consideration fat vs muscle or your overall fitness.  Now having said that, it is the freaking gold standard and everyone wants to know where they stand on a medically accepted scale.  I started this journey at 323 pounds with a BMI = 45.  Forty-freakin-five....really?  Dude, I was fat.  I weighed in on Wednesday (for the first time in 2 weeks) at 210.8 pounds with a BMI = 29.4!  

I will always be overweight (according to the BMI) because even at my goal weight I will be just over the suggested weight for my height.  I don't care.  I have to be happy with my body and more importantly be able to maintain the weight.  I want to be comfortable and healthy!  So this is where the BMI scale and I disagree but you know what I think I'll win!  

I haven't been this close to 200 pounds since the 6th or maybe 7th grade.  I am pretty sure that after my father died it went up dramatically.  I know that I weigh much less than high school because I still had my prom dress hanging in the basement.  It was a size 22 and was huge on me! I can officially say I look better than I did in high school and not many people can say that!!  

I am doing the JanGTD challenge and pledge to do 50 miles on the treadmill and 50 strength circuits this month!  So far I've done 7 miles and 7 circuits!  So I will keep everyone posted!  

I need to take my Christmas trees down.  I usually wait until MLK weekend but I am going to try and get them down this weekend!  It's a goal at least (sadly harder than any at the gym). LOL

Happy New Year and welcome 2011!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday season.  Mine was great and I am truly blessed!  But it is time to put 2010 behind me and move forward to make 2011 a great year.  

2010 was filled with ups and downs.  I am so proud to have restarted my weight loss journey. I've accomplished goals that seemed impossible before.  Heck, I ran a 10k.  That was an awesome accomplishment!   But the last couple of months have been stressful and I didn't allow myself to focus on the prize.  I was distracted and at times physically not up to the task.  I haven't been blogging.  I haven't had much to really write about because I felt like I've only been going through the motions of life not really invested in the outcomes.  

Thankfully today begins a brand new slate.  I've never been big on making resolutions.  It seems silly to make all these wild assumptions on January 1st only to know you'll break most of them before dinner.  However, this year I am making a few.  They aren't wildly crazy just things that I need to focus on for my overall success. 

1. Get to work earlier.  It would be better for my overall happiness...I hope.  
2. Get more sleep which mostly entails going to bed earlier.  
3. Recommit to my goals and focus on the items that lead to success.  I need to track my food, continue meal planning, blog, set mini-goals, etc.  

I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings and more importantly what I chose to do to further my journey.   I still don't intend to blog everyday.  But I am going to try and be better at stopping by and reading!  Here's to a wonderful new year full of successes!  

New Year's eve picture!  I am incredibly proud of my success last year!

Happy Birthday!

My 34th birthday is tomorrow and of course it has me reflecting on the past year.  A year ago I was 40 lbs heavier and on month 5 of a 6 month asthma attack.  I felt like crap.  I probably looked like crap.  I was incredibly disappointed that I had gained 30 pounds and hadn't seen the inside of a gym in close to a year.  But I didn't really feel up to doing anything about it.  I had gone from this workout/diet Nazi to this lump on my couch.  Then January came along and I started feeling better.  By June, I felt like my old self.  It was time to find a new gym and tackle this weight loss demon again.  With the help of my awesome trainer and the support of my friends and family,  I have made huge strides on my journey.  Sure I still have issues with food and some days I would rather do anything than workout but I try each and every day to progress my life rather than regress back to the lump on the couch.  

Tomorrow is a medium day and not just any medium zone day.  It's the mother of all weeks.  The first time I did Week 10 back in August it made me cry.  As luck would have it or in my case as that bitch Karma would have it, I get week 10 for a birthday present.  The infamous week 10 is 5 min warm-up, 10 min in HR Zone 2, 10 min in HR Zone 1 and finally 10 min in HR Zone 2 again.  It sucks.  Running for 10 min at a 6.0 - 6.3 mph or higher is not all that fun.  However, a year ago I wouldn't have been able to attempt it.  My coughing was so bad and all the extra weight would have kept me from doing it.  I would have done what my co-workers suggested and skipped the gym.   I can't wait to do this and prove to myself just how far I have progressed both physically and mentally.  Sure it will suck but at least I will have done something awesome for my birthday and myself!  

Keep your fingers crossed that my new Exerspy (the bodybugg of Gold's) comes like they say on the UPS site.   It is my birthday present and it would be totally cool to have it tomorrow!   Oh and maybe just maybe I'll get my car back too.  I am doubtful on the car but you never know....

Sources of Inspiration

For the last few seasons of The Biggest Loser, I've taped them and waited until the season was over to watch the whole thing at one time.  I did this because I found myself unmotivated in my own weight loss and not interested in watching someone else have success.  Plus, it gave me something to watch over the summer!  Truth be told, I was scared that the show wouldn't hold the same meaning, that the motivation and inspiration wouldn't be there because I wasn't mentally ready to receive it.  I had failed on my own journey and needed to find my way back to the road. 

I've decided to watch this season in real time (well DVRed real time).  I have found my path once again which provides all the motivation I need to succeed.  The show will always provide inspiration to keep going but now it is no longer a catalyst for my own success.  So much of this journey is mental.  It's something I struggle with every day.  One day at a time; striving so that each one builds on the last. 

Anyway, musings about the show.  I always cry because I understand where the contestants are coming from.  The back stories are almost more interesting than the weight loss and challenges.  The point that struck me the most was when the potential contestants run 1 mile.  Bob says something like, everyone can run a mile, right?  Wrong.  I remember the first time I ever tried to run at all.  I thought my legs were going to fall off.  The first time I ran a mile I thought my lungs were going to rip out of my body.   I look back and realize how far I've come.  I can run 6 miles now.  That is 6 miles without walking.  I'm pretty sure the Brigitte at 1 mile would have laughed if told one day you'll run 6 miles without stopping.   I am so proud of what I can push my body to do and accomplish.  I've come a long way mentally, physically and spiritually.  Just think the journey still has miles to go and I look forward to every bit of it! 

Runner High

I received a new blog award and will post all about it later!  I am excited!  Thanks to Dr. F!

I've been running for a few years now and have never experienced that "runner's high" that other people report.  I am always happy when the run is over but that's because it is over and not some endorphin rush.   I am usually dragging my ass home and whining about how hard it was to complete.   I love to run and get really bored walking, so that is what motivates me to do it over and over again.  This all changed last night!  

I waited to run until late evening and had to finish in the dark.  It was a bit spooky; I ran faster!  I started out at a pretty good pace and wasn't laboring.  Wow, that is something I am pretty sure I would never say or put into writing.  I finished the first 5k in 34 min.  In the back of my mind I was thinking, maybe I can do all 6.2 miles tonight.  I kept going and was still doing pretty well (minor almost asthma attack from the wood burning smoke near the trail).  I finished 5.5 miles and was starting to feel jelly legs coming on but I persevered and finished 6.22 miles in 70 min!  There was some happy dancing and fist pumping smack dab in the middle of the trail.  Thankfully, it was dark and no one saw it, LOL!  I couldn't wait to get home and tell my mommy!  I was bouncing off the walls and that folks was my first ever "runner's high"!   

I also felt some validation into the running world!  Not that I need acceptance but it was kind of nice to feel the support from a total stranger.   I passed a few runners on the other side of the trail and always take stock of who is around me.  On the way back, a guy that I passed earlier gave me a thumbs up and a smile of encouragement!  He was obviously a big time runner, you know the ones with the lanky build and the ability to run without an ipod marathoner-types.  It was a super cool move and he has no idea how much the support meant!  So I think I am a real runner now...  :P Well at least in my head!  

Have you seen my energy?

I have been really tired, fatigued or whatever you want to call my lack of energy.  I blame my TOM and perhaps all my workouts have caught up with me.  The rainy weather hasn't helped the cause either.  If I had a good book, my butt would have stayed in bed this morning!  I don't like feeling lethargic especially since I feel rested and not sleepy-tired.  My energy has just left the building.  I hope it finds it's way back and soon!

I had this lofty goal of working 8-4 starting this week.  This way I wouldn't be making up so much time because of the gym.   Well that never materialized.   I'm up plenty early.   I just choose to be a bum at home than get my arse into work earlier.  Perhaps next week will be more fruitful and I can actually meet this goal!   

We have stuck to the menu plan fabulously!  It has made things so much easier at dinner time.  My mom wants to help more and that thrills me!!  I'm hoping this helps us spend less on groceries and eating out.  We only buy the stuff we need for 2 weeks at a time and with meals all planned we won't have to eat out as much.  I will be glad if we can keep eating out to only once a week!  I'm super proud of us for making this change!!  

Hugs to all my blog friends! 

Puppy love and way too much thinking time

I just got home from taking the puppy for a walk.  We finally have a night where the temps are below 90!  Poor little man has been cooped up inside for weeks.  I feel like he has been averaging one walk a week.  We made this one extra long!  Now he's sitting on my lap demanding to go upstairs!  Men!   :)  He is super cute though! 

Today was a low zone day and I was super excited to make it a swim night.  I had the pool all to myself for the first 30 min!  It was so nice to just hear the swoosh of the water and be in my own little world.  Last time I swam, the pool was incredibly busy and I had to share a lane which was not only difficult but annoying.  So I cherished my empty pool and lane to myself.  The flip side to all this blissful alone time is that I am completely lost in my own thoughts.  Sometimes the recesses of my mind are a scary place and sometimes it's a helpful little organ.  Tonight I found myself second guessing all my food choices and realizing I could have made better ones.  The good news is that while my food wasn't the greatest this week(end) it was no where near the downward spiral of a few weeks ago.  I met my workout and step goals which is still a huge part of this journey.  There was a time in the not so distant past where I would have eaten craptastic food and then eaten some more.   I wouldn't have given a second thought to exercising or for that matter moving off my couch.  I know there are times I forget how truly mental weight loss can be.  The physical is obvious but the mental component takes just as much work.  I need to remember that I love myself and this girl that has made such a positive change.  She kicks ass!  Everyday I get up and try a little harder than the day before!  

See I told you my mind can be a scary place!  

New Yummy Recipe courtesy of Gina's WW Recipes!  Oven Roasted Cauliflower

Hardcore exhaustion

I've hit a wall this morning. My body is exhausted and achy. Every muscle is sore including the synaptic one in control. When my brain is sore you know it isn't pretty. I blame it on the dreaded high-day workout last night. I don't wanna do this anymore. It could be that my body wants a rest day which I really hope is tomorrow!!! I am sure that Ms. All-star will say, I need to push through it but dammit I can't visualize that at the moment. I can make it through tonight's training and then collapse, right? Let's keep our fingers crossed that the collapsing occurs after.

I am fairly certain that if this was an episode of the BL, there would be crying, cursing at Jillian/Bob and the proverbial "I can't do this" phrase. Thank goodness this is reality and not the BL or I would have quit. I'd take my pizza and go home thank you very much. But I can do this. I just need a pity party first. So I am coming here to have it.

I haven't pushed myself like this in the last year. My body was used to laying around again. Oh sure, there was the occasional run or perhaps I should go back to the gym moment but nothing like this hardcore ass whooping. This is where my brain needs to inform my body to get over it!

Perhaps I should start taking Edward with me for motivation. I could just stick him in front of the treadmill or next to my training session. Or better yet "HOT cop", who coincidentally attends the same gym again, could show up and stand there for me! (For those not in the know, there is the really hot STLCO cop that worked out at my last gym. I found him back. That totally sounds stalkerish!) Yep, motivation couldn't hurt! Sigh...

Now for something completely off topic: I am so glad that the NL finally won an AS Game. I shelled out big bucks to watch them screw up last year. It was great!! :) Now if only the Cardinals can get there mojo back!! Go Cards!

I can do it, I can do it, I can do it! But I am still exhausted....

More tomorrow!