Tuesday night was a Glee rerun so my mom and I settled on BL while we had dinner. She doesn't watch it often as reality shows aren't her cup of tea but she seemed to enjoy it or maybe it was just the spending time with me! Anyway, she remarked about how big some of the contestants were and this was after 5 weeks on the ranch. I'm like many of them were 300+ at the start. She looked at me and said, "I'm glad you were never that big". But I was that big mom; a whopping 323 pounds. She was stunned and immediately said I would have noticed if you were that big. Apparently, my mother was in denial or missed out on 3 years of my life. We have lived together since 2002 and I see her every day. So I pulled out our cruise album from 2004 and handed her photographic evidence. You could see her jaw hit the floor. And then came the tears and the "I'm so sorry I let this happen" spiel. It wasn't your fault mom, well at least the obese adult part of my life, I did this and I made the wrong choices. I let this happen. Sure I was a fat kid but I could have made choices to change the direction my body was headed. I chose to ignore it and eat everything in sight. I never want my mom to feel guilty because it was my choice to hide in the basement and finish off that whole pizza. She never forced me to eat the amounts of food I consumed in the past. The past is over and I am succeeding at becoming a new person! The important thing is we are learning to make better choices together! Together we are educating ourselves on proper nutrition and portion control. We can't change the past but we can dictate what happens in the future!
I'm having a fat day or at least that is my perception of today. It feels like my size 14s are too tight but in reality they actually fit and aren't baggy like my "fat pants". The first time I wore these jeans I was so elated to have on a smaller size that I didn't even notice how they felt. However, today I realized these aren't as comfortable as the baggy pants from yesterday. I think I need to wrap my head around the fact that this is what I am working towards! The damn mental portion of weight loss is so exhausting! :) Challenge updates tomorrow although this has been a very "eh" week.